Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
