i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
