I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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