i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
