I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
