My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
