did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
