Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
