Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Randomize
