Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
