I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
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