I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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