HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
