I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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