i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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