if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
