There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
