found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
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