How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
