Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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