In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
