I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
