Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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