hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Randomize
