Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
