The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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