just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
