I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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