y did u give ur computer a hand job?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
