i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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