Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
