We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
