my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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