I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize