My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
