Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
