Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
