I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Farmville is her only friend.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You took a bar mat shot.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
