It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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