Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
