I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize