just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Your penis caused this!
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