I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
