I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
