***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
