In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Randomize
