I just made out with a guy for $7.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
