Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
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