Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
