Yo dont text me then not text me
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
