we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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