I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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