I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
BRING THE BAGELS
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
