I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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