I bet he comes in French.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
