You really coming over, don't trick.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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