Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
