I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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