I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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