when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
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