in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Randomize
