like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
