I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
