One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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