I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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