Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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