drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
