She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
