I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
