I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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