Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
