Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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