I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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