Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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